The Commish Files

The founding of the Naked Siders

“Naked Siders”The subject, June 13, 2015. His caption, verbatim.

Every syndicate has a founding night. Most of them are not documented by the founder himself and posted for his followers. This one was. The Bureau has reconstructed the evening from the available evidence, which is the photograph, its caption, and a second post from the same night that reads, in full, “Skkaaatttt.”

1. 7:40 PMA house. Location withheld. The founding members arrive. The dress code is announced: shirts optional. The subject takes the code further than anyone else, establishing on the first night that the rules apply to him differently.
2. 7:52 PMThe subject names the organization. He does not consult anyone. He will not consult anyone about anything for the next eleven years.
3. 7:58 PMThe initiation. Associate No. 1 approaches the subject, tongue drawn, and pledges loyalty in the manner the charter requires. The subject is laughing. He knows exactly what this is. It is not a joke. It is a charter, and the associate has just signed it.
4. 8:03 PM“Skkaaatttt.” The Bureau’s linguists have worked this word for eleven years. Current best reading: a gavel, heard from very far away.
5. 2026The subject is commissioner of THE BAY BOWL. The organization never disbanded. It simply stopped posting.

The Bureau has identified one associate. The case board has room for more.

Reconstruction. Not from any data feed; the Bureau made this up, except the caption, the second post and the photo, which are the subject’s own public posts. The associate’s face is pixelated: he is a witness, not a suspect.

Finding The Inner Circle was not formed this season. It was formed on June 13, 2015, in a living room, with no shirts on, and the Bureau regrets to report that it kept minutes.

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